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You have, not just one identity, but many. In any one day you may take on the identities of a spouse, a chef, a parent, an instructor, a plumber, a bookkeeper, and a driver. On Saturday morning you might assume the identity of a soccer coach. In fact, you change identities every time you do something different or new.
Identities can also change at an emotional level. We have all met the jovial golf buddy who turns into an ogre when he gets home, or the benign clerk who has regular temper tantrums on the golf course.
Many a person I have known has been a runner. It was an integral part of their lifestyle. Each of them, however, knew that running carries risks. Some, because of foot, ankle, knee or heart problems, became painfully aware of the non-survival of their identities as runners. Most of them survive the loss of that identity and move on to new identities.
Think about your life and all the different identities you have assumed. Some of those identities have not survived, like being an employee on your first job. Other identities are alive and well, like being a good learner.
In order to do anything in life you need to risk the non-survival of the identities you assume. Everyone who has a child, asks someone out on a date, or quits drinking, takes that risk. If you couldn't take that risk, you would be stuck and dull and unfulfilled. You would be both bored and boring.
To be able to take the risk you need two key ingredients: courage and humility.
Courage is the willingness to move forward and assert an identity, to do something that might fail, to continue to play in spite of fear. Fear is essential. It is courageous to take on, in the presence of fear, an identity that carries a risk. Doing the same thing fearlessly is foolhardy. Every fire rescue worker and every mother know the difference.
Without courage you yield to fear, avoid risk and remain mired in indecision…unfulfilling at best. The "control freak" is burdened with fear, but lacks the courage to move forward.
Humility is the ability to step back from and let go of an identity, and stop doing something that isn't working. It takes humility to accept that you are not making it, for example, as a marriage partner, as a real estate agent or as a responsible drinker.
Without humility you become stuck in an identity and life becomes difficult. You tend to become rigid and inflexible about life. Without humility you tend to avoid making changes. Seeking help with a change would be an admission of failure. Without the humility to walk away from an identity, life itself eventually becomes a crisis.
With the humility to step back from an identity that isn't working for you, it's easier to muster the courage to try being something else. With both the courage to step forward and the humility to step back when things don't work out, you know you will be all right no matter what you try. You can go on to play as big a game in life as you want.
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